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  • Colin Jonov

Why You Aren’t Where You Want to Be

You aren’t where you want to be in life because of you. There’s really no way around this. It’s not because of anyone or anything else but yourself. And if you think it’s because of someone or something else, then you lack the cognitive skills to reflect on your own choices and actions that have led you to where you are standing today. We aren’t born or created under equal circumstances. We aren’t dealt the same hand throughout life. I get that, but it doesn’t matter. If we play the victim, then we will always be a victim. If we want to win, then we need to take extreme ownership and accountability in our lives. Is life going to be fair to you? No, it isn’t. Accept that fate now and get ready to take it on the chin. It’s your responsibility to take what life gives you and turn it into the vision you want for yourself. You are your only hope.

We create this dissonance between who we are and who we want to be because we are ignorant of the steps it takes to get there. The problem most of us will face is that we are just fluidly moving through life. We don’t have the ability to define who we want to be, what we want to achieve, and how we expect to get there. You will choose your life, or your life will choose you. There’s no in-between. As I’ve said in a prior post, your joy in life is at the equilibrium between what you want and what you’re willing to commit to. There’s nothing I can’t stand more than when people who are consistent losers say to people who are winners, “You just don’t understand. It’s always worked out for you.” First of all, the heck it does just “work out.” Winners in every domain of life didn’t stumble into it or get there by accident. They define what they want and do what it takes to get there. If you’re one of the people telling others they don’t understand your failures, then you are a loser stuck in a victimhood mindset. I’m sorry, that’s the truth. Secondly, you’re a loser because you haven’t put meaning behind anything in your life. You haven’t defined anything in your life. You have set low standards for yourself. One of my firmest beliefs in life is defining everything around us; the words we use, the actions we take, the goals we want. Everything needs meaning to be impactful. “I want a successful athletic career.” “I need to work harder.” “I want a happy relationship.” What on earth does any of that mean without context and deeply defined meaning? What does successful look like? What does work “harder” mean? What does a “happy” relationship consist of? Unpack those. I want to be an MLB pitcher for 15 years with 10 All-Star appearances, one Cy Young Award, and one World Series title. I need to dedicate an hour a day longer in the weight room, 30 minutes more on my mindset, re-evaluate my diet to gain/lose/maintain weight, and spend 15 extra minutes a day on mobility exercises for my hips and hamstrings. I want a relationship where we agree on religion, politics, support in chasing our dreams, and vision for raising a family. Whatever it is we want in life, put meaning into it. Don’t just use words. Be as specific as humanly possible. Once you understand what you want, devise a plan to get there. Determine if you’re willing to pay the price to entry. Then, and only then, will you have a chance to get what you want.

Also, don’t mistake the ends for the means. We become so obsessed with what the end looks like that we justify it for the means. We make short-term bad decisions that reject our long-term visions in life. We seek instant gratification, when anything worth having or doing takes time. For context, we want to be a millionaire. We become so obsessed with that feat that we will dishonestly take advantage of anyone in our path to get there. We justify those actions by claiming we are chasing our goals. In the short term, we may get there quicker, but along the way, we destroyed our reputation, missed out on millions of more income because we sacrificed long-term plays for short-term status, and we feel alone and empty when we realize the ends weren’t the means. It’s no different in athletics or relationships. I can’t tell you the number of athletes who have confessed to me two things: 1. Winning a championship didn’t fill that void in their life. 2. They are miserable in their relationships and it impacts their performance. Let’s attack the first point. There’s this illusion that when we achieve a goal or championship, we will feel fulfilled. Guys and girls, I hate to break it to you, but that feeling of elation will last 24 hours max. That is the maximum amount of time our brain can relate specific “happiness” to a singular event. Don’t mistake the ends for the means. The means is the process of what you’re doing and why you are doing it. If you can define the why behind your actions, then whether you win that championship or not, you’ll become insane to the process. That will carry you to far more wins than focusing on the outcome alone. We believe the championship is what we want. What we secretly want is untapped growth. Growth is obtained through the rigorous efforts of working through discomfort, aka the process. Now, to the second point, our relationships in any domain of life will have a dramatic impact on our well-being and successes in life. I will beat to death into my readers’ minds that you need to surround yourself with the right people. We keep people around in the short term thinking we need them. Learn to let go of the people who are bad influences on your life. In order to understand who are bad influences, it comes back to the earlier conversation of having the cognitive ability to self-reflect and define what we truly want. Once we do that, we can become socially aware of everyone who pushes us forward or pulls us back. I hate to be the bearer of bad news again, but sometimes it’s the people who are our best “friends” that are secretly pulling us back. You will lose friends. Accept that now. That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. The bigger part of relationships that doesn’t get spoken about enough is the spouse you choose. This could be an entire post in itself. However, it comes down to two things: 1. Have you set the highest standard of what you want in a relationship? 2. Do you hold your counterpart to that standard? I’d rather die unmarried than marry the wrong person. “Oh, it’s easy for you to say that, Colin, you got married at 24.” I get it, and I’m no relationship guru. But what I can say is my wife and I nailed those two points. We set a standard for what was expected and acceptable in our relationship and we held ourselves to those standards. And I’ll tell you this, there’s never been a day where she has impacted my performance negatively. That’s the truth. She’s only enhanced my performance in athletics and life. Also, don’t think I don’t understand that we have mountains of adversity coming our way. I know we do, but I find solace in knowing there’s nothing we can’t work through together because we are in lockstep on the things that matter most to us. My wife and my inner circle are performance enhancers. Are yours?

We all have the power within us to control where we want to go. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Regardless of where we are today, or what hand we’ve been dealt, it’s our responsibility to fight for what we want. I want you to win. I believe you can win. I know you can win.

Best Regards,

Colin Jonov, Founder & CEO Athletic Fortitude

P.S. Want to share your experiences or challenges with us? Reply to this newsletter or connect with me on social media @ColkyJonov10. I’m here to support you on your journey!

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