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  • Colin Jonov

Who Are You When No One is Watching?

When we think of integrity, we often think of honesty and ethical behavior in public. We might consider someone who always keeps their promises, speaks truthfully, and treats others with respect and kindness as someone who has integrity. However, true integrity goes beyond what we show to the world; it’s about who we are when no one is watching.

In today’s world, where social media dominates our lives, it’s easy to become obsessed with crafting an image of ourselves that we want to project to others. We carefully choose the stories we share, the pictures we post, and the opinions we express, all with the goal of projecting a certain image of ourselves to the world. However, it’s drastically more important to focus on who we are when no one is watching.

When we are alone, we don’t have anyone to impress or influence. We don’t have anyone to judge us or hold us accountable. It’s easy to let our guard down and behave in ways that don’t align with our values. We might tell ourselves that it’s not a big deal, that no one will ever know, or that it’s just this one time. But the truth is, every decision we make when no one is watching has the power to shape who we are and who we become.

Let’s say you’re someone who struggles with addiction and you’re home alone one night. There’s a bottle of alcohol on the table that you’ve been avoiding all week, but you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed. The thought of having a drink to calm your nerves crosses your mind. You know that drinking won’t help you in the long run, and it could even be harmful to your health, but you’re feeling weak and tempted. If you give in to that temptation, you might feel some temporary relief, but you’ll also be compromising your integrity. You’ll be telling yourself that it’s okay to engage in behavior that goes against your values and goals. Even if no one ever finds out, you’ll still know what you did, and it will impact how you see yourself. It will break you down one piece at a time.

On the other hand, if you choose to resist that temptation and do the hard work of staying sober, even when no one is watching, you’re reinforcing your integrity. You’re telling yourself that you are committed to your recovery and that you are willing to make difficult choices to stay on track. You’re building a foundation of integrity that will help you stay true to your values and goals throughout your life.

Of course, this is just one example. There are countless other situations where our integrity is tested when no one is watching. Maybe you’re tempted to lie to avoid getting in trouble, or to take advantage of someone’s vulnerability to gain an advantage. Maybe you’re tempted to gossip about someone behind their back, even though you know it’s hurtful and disrespectful. In all of these situations, the question we need to ask ourselves is: who do I want to be? Do I want to be someone who values honesty, respect, and compassion, or do I want to be someone who values short-term relief and self-interest?

The answer to this question is crucial because it shapes who we are and who we become. When we prioritize our integrity, even when no one is watching, we’re building a foundation of self-respect and trust. We’re telling ourselves that we are worthy of our own respect and that we are capable of making choices that align with our values.

This, in turn, will help us build stronger relationships with others. When we are true to ourselves and our values, we attract people who share those values. We build friendships and connections based on mutual respect and trust, rather than superficial appearances.

On the other hand, when we compromise our integrity, we undermine our self-respect. We may find ourselves surrounded by people who don’t share our values or who are only interested in us for what we can do for them. We may struggle to form meaningful relationships based on trust and respect, and we may feel isolated and disconnected from others.

So, why does it matter most who you are when no one is watching? Because the person you are when no one is watching is the person who defines your character and shapes your identity. It’s the individual who determines the choices you make and the path you take in life. It’s the person who determines how you treat yourself and others.

When we prioritize our integrity, we build a foundation of self-respect and trust that can help us navigate life’s challenges with purpose and meaning. We become the best version of ourselves, and that is something that will stay with us for a lifetime. When we make choices that align with our values, we build a life of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.

The choices we make when no one is watching have the power to shape who we are and who we become, so let’s choose to be people of integrity, even when no one is watching.

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