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  • Colin Jonov

I Too, Am Deeply Imperfect

I am a deeply imperfect human, and I always will be, but I’ll never stop striving to be better. In this space, it’s easy to make everything look like life is perfect and we always make the right choices. However, it’s not true. I fight with people I care about. I get severely angry with myself. I have insecurities. I miss elements of my daily routines. Sometimes sh*t happens and it’s out of your control. One of my guests on The Athletic Fortitude Show, Bhrett McCabe, once said, “There’s a million self-help books that will tell you the 10 steps to a perfect life. However, none of these books say, ‘hey, it’s okay, you’re doing the best you can.’” I’m here to tell you that your best is enough.

I have this internal struggle to always want to do more. Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do, it’s never enough. In some ways, that’s great. It pushes me forward and enables me to take on challenges with grace. However, in some ways, it’s really difficult. I am hyper aware of all of my thoughts and actions. Every second I spend unproductively weighs heavily on my mind. I think back to what Dr. McCabe said on my show. Yet, it’s really hard for me to tell myself, “You’re doing the best you can,” because I know there’s always more I can do. The measure of our best is purely subjective. Even in games where we have record statistical days, sometimes we didn’t feel our best that day. Yet, there are days we feel great where we perform poorly. Life and athletics are so unique and funny that way. We are constantly in search of this idea of self-optimization; no one is more guilty of this than me. However, the randomness of it all trumps any hope of obtaining that optimal self. Let me reveal a secret to all of us: optimization, flawlessness, or perfection doesn’t exist. The pursuit of these things will drive you to insanity if the expectation is to achieve it.

The progression I am going through allows me to release that element of perfection. However, I’ll never stop chasing it. Yet, I now know I can never attain it. Instead of using perfection as a measuring stick (who knows what perfection is anyways?), I’ll use it as a motivator to simply get better each and every day. To accept challenge in areas of my life that need it. To push myself to levels I never thought possible. No perfection, I can’t catch you. I am deeply flawed and I always will be. But, that will never stop me from trying to be better. It will never stop me from taking control of every detail within my power. I will give it my best. When I look in the mirror at night before bed, I’ll tell myself “You’re doing your best,” only when it’s true. My first step in achieving this will be defining what my “best” is and then document it. Then each night I’ll hold myself accountable to that standard. I know there are days I’ll miss. I know I’ll continue to remain imperfect. I’ve come to the realization that’s the beauty in it. I’ll never be perfect. All that means is I can always improve, and that’s enough for me.

To Building Fortitude.

Best Regards,

Colin Jonov, Founder & CEO Athletic Fortitude

P.S. Want to share your experiences or challenges with us? Reply to this newsletter or connect with me on social media @ColkyJonov10. I’m here to support you on your journey!

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